Nuttier than squirrel poo.

I had class again on Thursday morning. It was much more... normal, I guess. I purchased a recorder for two reasons, first, if this crazy professor of mine comes out with any other gems of psychosis, I want to have it on record, and second, it's good for studying to have the lectures at my fingertips. You know, I need a good nickname for this professor. Toto. Yes. Professor Toto.

Anyway, I recorded lecture (with permission, mind you), and it was disappointingly uneventful. As people got up to go, I switched my machine off. It was only AFTER I switched it off that we were informed the squirrels of the DC metro area were starving this winter because of a dearth of acorns resulting from unfavorable weather. Collectively, the class blinked. Apparently, Dr. Toto's neighbor was leaving food out for the squirrels, Dr. Toto had amassed hundreds of energy bars from the myraid of races completed over the years, and were these energy bars safe for squirrel consumption?

The class blinked again.

I said, "Eh, old Powerbars, methadone, what's the difference?"

Dr. Toto looked askance at me.

"Oh, you know, a few years back people got in trouble for feeding their methadone to the squirrels in the city."

Dr. T. said, "What?!?! ...Oh, you're from NY." Dismissing wave of the hand.

"Yes. And so are you."

"Well. Still. I may put food out for my squirrels. I don't want them to starve to death!"

Dr. T. is indeed, as the phrase goes, nuttier than squirrel poo. Certainly this winter's squirrel poo, at any rate. To quote Sex and the City, squirrels are just rats in cuter outfits. I have this image in my head of the crazies I used to see in the Bronx and Washington Sq. Park in Manhattan proper feeding the local wildlife. (Local wildlife that could in many cases open a shock-cord tied metal garbage can in less time than it'll take you to say "fuggeddaboudit" even though they lack opposable thumbs.) Prof. Toto is 3 showers, 8 secondhand grubby shawls, and one metal shopping cart away from being one of them. I say the DC area squirrels need to *ahem* grow some NUTS. HAHAHAHAH.

And isn't the UK having a problem with too many grey squirrels outcompeting their native red squirrels for food and resources? Why not ship them to Prof. T's backyard?

Guilty pleasure.

I never was a Goth chick.  

I did manage to spend a good deal of high school stomping around with all my hair chopped off in army surplus pants and wife beaters.  On other days, I never bothered to get dressed or take care of my hair, or occasionally, I deigned to put on a pair of jeans and a sweater.  But occasionally.  Very occasionally.  

It was a rebellion against all the perfect girls who wore Juicy Couture and very expensive jeans and shoes and had the perfect hair.  My hair was never perfect.  I couldn't be perfect.  I wasn't allowed to have preferences in clothes either, because we couldn't afford to.  ...Or my parents were worried I'd turn into a total priss.  This fear of theirs lasted until I chopped off my hair and stopped wearing women's clothes.  My mom told me I was dressing like a lesbian, at which point I informed her so was she.  To her credit, she didn't get angry.  Instead she discovered Kohl's, which works for her because she's 5'8" and older.  It didn't work for me because at the time I was 5'10" and no bargain priced clothes ever fit you in you're a girl and really tall.  

But in the interim between high school cluelessness and my college education, I figured some things out for myself.  The surprise was that I never got into Goth or new Victorian.  Not only because I wasn't one of the cool kids, but it surprised me in retrospect because I loved The Secret Garden when I was little.  And when Jane Eyre was forced upon us sophomore year in high school, I fell madly in love with that story too.  The idea of large, old, buildings, with meandering passageways and ridiculous intricate details at every turn was fascinating.  The idea of secrets - family mysteries, hidden passages, and false walls/doors/drawers/etc. - was captivating.  What could lie behind the distracting bulwark of curliques, woodworking, brooches, and overgrown rose bushes?  

And this has continued into my neophyte adulthood, when I became embarrassingly obsessed with Harry Potter.  I think it's got to do with discovery and discernment (so maybe it's good I chose scientific research, no?).  All the magic, the juxtaposition of real and fanciful, modern and archaic, and logic and willpower.  Something like that.  

So when I read about this new steam punk thing, I was like, "DUUUUDE."  And I love it, especially the computers some crazy person modified to look like wood and inlay and tubes and piping.  I've seen the countless brooches, earrings, necklaces, cuffs, and other baubles people have made from watch parts, gears, and pins.  They're all quite beautiful, but so few of them work, and that's what really fascinates me, the ones that look like some odd gadget but really do something, like tell time, allow me to check my email, or let me teleport through space at the turn of a gear.  I'd never do myself up like some of the more hardcore steam punk types.  I feel like I'm a little too old for all that characterized dressing.  

But I am a little sad that I missed my 14 yr old window to be a crazy person... I'll just have to wait until I'm 60 to wear spats, I guess.  

Urgh.

I am taking The Very Last Class I Ever Have To Take. This would normally be cause for celebration, and truthfully, I try to remember it whenever I'm feeling particularly resentful. But today, the first lecture, reminded me why I hate my department so very, very much and why, if I ever do graduate it will be an accomplishment ten times over because I have stacked my committee against me in an astronomical way. One of my committee members is teaching this class.

First of all, not the worst of personal information, but personal enough information was disclosed by said instructor about a student who was present in front of the whole class. The student respectfully said that it was inappropriate, they did not appreciate it, and they left the room. Then the instructor babbled on for a while after they left justifying their (I don't want to disclose gender) actions. I hope the student files a complaint.

Then they're going on about this textbook that is allegedly "fun to read." Just so much FUN. I'm thinking of what I classify as a fun read, and it ain't a mathematically focused text on statistical thermodynamics, that's for sure. And then they went on about this impossible program we're going to have to use to graph HW problems and how we won't be able to use anything else. Oh, and they won't lend out the cd with the program on it because they feel guilty about sharing it when they only bought 4 copies, and it's only available on the chemistry computer lab computers, which is useless if you have labwork to do during the day. And at night? Well, you're just going to have to stay at school where people get mugged, robbed, and sexually assaulted, assuming the computer lab doesn't just close.

Why not just tell us we have to write all our assignments in ancient Greek to really tie our hands?

But all that aside, we had a mini lecture, too. During that lecture, we saw figures from a paper dealing with a new antibiotic. It showed the antibiotic's activity on wild type bacteria, which have pumps that pump out harmful substances from the cell, which is partially how bacteria can be resistant to various drugs. I noticed they tested bacteria lacking the pumps, and I asked why they even bothered if they were concerned with antibiotic efficacy in wild types, because that's what people would be infected with, anyway. It was made clear that my question was not welcome. The fact that I even had my hand up was obviously a surprise. I got a bullshit answer. The fact that it was obviously bullshit made me very pleased with myself.

I plan on asking every question I can think of in the same spirit of how this individual treated me during my candidacy exam (which was miserably, bordering on inhuman).

In 1.25 hours, I have accumulated so much stress. I see this person standing up there, lecturing us, obviously smart, but so wacked out of their mind. Where do they come from, the people like this? How do they manage to have relationships with other individuals and procreate? Why aren't they weeded out of the gene pool simply because no one can stand them long enough to have sex with them? (Apparently they can stand them long enough to have sex with them... at least once, at any rate.)

No wonder I gained 15 pounds in this shit hole. But the upshot is I really value my boss in light of who I could be working for. I'm aware enough to recognize that even though my second favorite committee member is occasionally brusque and rude, this person ultimately means well and I've earned their respect by being bright, questioning the right things, and performing well. So, no matter hwo much I hate my current instructor and wish they'd just disappear into the ether, I know they won't. I will have to deal with this twice a week at 8 AM. It will suck like nothing else, but it's the only way out.

Knees and toes, knees and toes

I'm sitting at the table in the part of my lab where we have a microwave, a fridge/freezer for harmless buffers and lunches, and not one but two coffee machines on a counter where we unofficially take turns leaving cookies and other treats for everyone in the lab.  Why am I sitting here and not at my desk?  Because my desk is less than 3 feet from the wall, the labbench is practically behind my head, and I can't sit there for long comfortably.  

I can't stretch out my legs at my desk.  I didn't realize how much stretching my legs out plays into my ability to think properly.  This is another good reason for me to not wear skirts.  I hate having to keep my legs crossed/together when I'm preoccupied with something other than sparkling conversation, drink, and food.  

Actually, when I took the electronic GRE's (entrance exams for graduate school), I stretched out my legs and kicked the surge protector plug out of the wall.  The computer promptly shut off, so did my heart, and I had an internal silent meltdown/panic attack/stroke/apoplectic fit.  A long story short, everything worked out; they were able to get my exam back, I was able to finish it, and the rest, as they say, is history but I had a few really terrifying minutes there.  

All because I had to stretch out my legs.  

If I was really good, I'd figure out a way to sue the school for non-ergonomically correct practices...

You stay classy, America!

Can I just say, I was very impressed with Obama's speech, comportment, and the whole thing.  He could have taken the snarky route (I would have expected that from John Kerry), but he didn't.  He gave the political version of coach-speak.

What do I mean by that?  I mean the usual, "We're going to give it 150%.  We're going to stick to the fundamentals, play our own game, and we're going to move the ball/puck down the court/field/arena.  The more goals/baskets we get, the better.  We'll play a tight defense, try not to let anything past us, and stick to what we know best, etc."  Kind of like that, just with politics.

Anyway, it was good.  Including everyone - Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and nonbelievers - was totally excellent.  Obviously, the whole thing is based in the Christian religion (perhaps another reason why we'll never live to see a Jewish president), but acknowledging that everyone of all faiths is responsible for the country was a very good touch.  Kind of a "this may not be what I personally believe, but that's no reason for me to disregard your contributions."  Spot on!  

Oh, and I particularly liked the bit about science.  It's definitely something to look forward to, this having a president who believes in science.  There are things of which I'm skeptical.  I do wonder how he'll handle things like Iraq, where an immediate sudden withdrawal of troops will absolutely not work, but having this uneducated view of the Iraqi people and refusing to learn about their cultural psychology, customs, or traditions has gotten absolutely ridiculous.  And the tax reform.  I wonder how he's going to do it, now that those upper tier tax brackets Obama wanted to tax the pants off of have been decimated by the financial crisis.  

Oh, and the benediction?  I chuckled at the rhymed ending, didn't really get it, but then I read this excellent and explanatory posting about the origins of the verse.  And I thought, ok, different generation, different perspective, and it made sense why Rev. Lowery said what he said.  Racist?  No, not really.  Grinding into the dirt a nasty rhyme from a different time?  Yeah, much more likely.  

And just so everyone knows, the Chief Justice messed up the oath of office - or as Senator Diane Feinstein said, the "oaf" of office - in his placement of the word "faithfully."  Not Obama's fault.  You can check me on that.  Props to Obama for waiting for the CJ to get it right and smiling.

You know, speaking of verbal gaffs, everyone hates Bush now.  I think he'll be remembered in history as having a bit more going for him.  People have seemed to forget he is responsible for the lack of any follow-up attacks by any terrorist organizations, likely helped in part by this ruling stating that wiretapping by gov't is indeed legal in cases where people are suspected spies.  Anyway, read the article.  Of course there are openings for abuse by those in power, but I have a feeling it's done more good than harm, given the absence of new 9/11's.  

Ok, that's the end of the political stuff for now.  

On to fashion!  First of all, can I just say that I LOVED Aretha-Queen-of-Soul Franklin's hat?  So old school, so badass, and so glamorously classy.  And has anyone else besides me notice that no matter what the new first lady is wearing, HER SHOES NEVER MAKE HER TALLER THAN OBAMA??!?!  Hahahahahah!!!  I'm about the same height as Mrs. Obama (techinically a fraction of an inch taller), and check out her footwear!  Never more than 2-inch heals so she's never taller than her man!  I know that game... But she looks sharp.  I like her style.  Very Washington, DC acceptable, but excellent choice in colors and designers.  Seriously, unless you have some tint to your skin, that dress color will make you look like hell.  Mrs. Obama, if you ever manage to work ONE Roberto Cavalli piece into some public ensemble, I will be so impressed.  

In the meantime, if anyone spots her in higher heels, please alert me.  I will eat it up.

MLK, Inauguration

These next two days are seriously Black Power days.  Today is MLK day, and my university is more closed than it's been due to winter break.  Tomorrow is the inauguration, and I will be damned if I am going anywhere by car or public transportation.  

Aside from America being supposedly "done" with outwards racism (which we know is total bullshit), and our decades-long period of collective white guilt being over, its an excuse for DC to throw a party.  You know, I never felt guilty about being white for several reasons.  Number one, my people weren't deemed "white" enough for the Nazis or the KKK.  Number two, more than 50% of my relatives were trying to evade people who actively were trying to exterminate then in Poland and Russia during slavery and the decades after.  Number three, over 75% of my family was killed off during the Holocaust for being Jews.  At least the slaves were deemed more useful alive than dead.  Number four, many of my family members were turned away from universities because of the "Jew quota."  The universities decided there were too many Jews graduating.  Despite this, several of them got in anyway because they were just THAT badass.  Then there were the kids in the playground who I beat the shit out of for calling me a dirty Jew or a kike.  

Long story short - too late - I never felt guilty for being white or privileged because we've worked our asses off for every stupid little thing we've ever wanted - like that whole staying alive thing.  But the upshot to it all is that I really get why American blacks are so tickled by Obama's presidency.  He's one of their own.  And they should be as happy as they are because it's essentially a guarantee that the man in charge will not do anything to specifically hurt them.  For a group that's been persecuted and held down for no reason other than their skins' melanin content, they absolutely should be celebrating.  

That being said, the Jews have been in the US longer than African Americans, and we haven't had a Jewish president.  I'm not sure if that's because of the constant anti-Semitic buzz that's emitted worldwide from any number of countries - developed, developing, or otherwise - or because the Jews are smart enough to say, "Oh, hells no.  Why would I bother with that shitty job?"  

It would be interesting to have a Jewish president.  Not in terms of religious solidarity, but more in terms of philosophy.  The reason I say this is that Judaism is possibly one of only two religions that does not condone dying in the name of religion - there are no Jewish martyrs - or killing others again in the name of religion - there is no jihad or any loopholes for a "crusade."  Also, it dictates that if you can save your own life and/or the lives of your family by pretending to not be Jewish, you should do so.  There's an incredibly high value placed on human life, more so than any other religion out there.  The fallback Jewish toast is l'chaim, or "to life."  Also, it holds questioning even the most erudite of Jewish scholars by the most uneducated person as perfectly acceptable.  Funny story about this; there are strict sects of Judaism that do not allow women to become rabbis, but the Reform movement is more accepting.  When they first allowed a woman to become a rabbi, the leaders of the more strict sects said a woman belongs in that job like an orange belongs on a Passover Seder plate.   (There's no orange on a Seder plate.)  So people started putting oranges on Seder plates to thumb their noses at the establishment.  My point is along with a very high value on life, there's also a very high value on thinking, questioning, and arguing.  To achieve the end of built-in curiosity, there's ritualized questioning in the Passover celebration, to be done traditionally by the youngest member of the family.  The last point I want to make is it's the only Judeo-Christian religion that sees sex as an unequivocally good thing.  There is even a small by-the-way that states that even sex out of wedlock is ok in the presence of true love.  I've always been impressed by that, personally.  There are more reasons why I think it would be healthy for the nation to have a leader that identifies with Jewish philosophy, but those are my personal top three: high value on life, learning, and humanity.

Judging by the way the reporting for the most recent Arab-Israeli conflict is panning out, I tend to believe the lack of a Jewish president or VP is a result of anti-Semitism.  Why have so few Israeli civilians been killed?  Because the government encourages building bomb shelters and making sure every civilian has a gas mask. I have pictures of my aunt, grandfather, and cousins sitting in their bomb shelter in their pajamas all wearing gas masks because the air raid sirens went off in the middle of the night.  The Israeli army doesn't set up missile/mortar launching sites adjacent to hospitals or schools, which is unfortunately what Hamas does.  It's really quite awful.  If you're a reporter, are you going to report a functional government taking care of its people in the face of explosives falling from the sky?  Of course not.  You're going to go to the wretched masses moaning in the streets, whose government uses them as pawns to achieve their end of destroying Israel.  The human-interest stories sell.

And it kills me, reading these articles that focus on "What's wrong with the Israelis?  Only eight missiles fell today!  Why don't they stop shooting?  They're so belligerent."  I love it.  Only eight.  Can you imagine the US' reaction if even one missile made its way from Canada and landed in NYC?  Never mind our government, how would you react if even one missile hit your town?  Would you want the government to sit by passively, or would you want them to step up, fight back, and make it stop?  

It's funny.  The Arabs and the Jews were totally cool with each other before England came in and fucked it up.  The Brits promised the world to both groups, couldn't deliver, washed their hands of it all, and left, leaving the dirty brown desert people to fight it out amongst themselves.  And so it rages on.  I think the world is scared of Israel.  It's populated primarily by one of the most hated-on groups in the world (the Jews) who have been the victims of attempted genocide since the beginning of their existence.  Everyone's ok with it, everyone likes the Jews, as long as they're the short, scrawny, glasses-wearing kid with the big nose, who the all-American nice guy can protect to score points with the hot chicks in the schoolyard in return for the answers to last night's algebra homework.  

But while no one was looking, the Israelis got stronger.  They ordered fighter jets from the US, sure, but they requested them with their own modifications, and pretty soon the US was buying from the Israelis.  You know that kid?  The really nice little one who was stuffed into the lockers freshman year in high school?  Over the summer he got bigger and stronger, and the same bully tried the same shit.  The bully had his teeth knocked out and his nose broken first day of school.  Ultimately, I think this is why people are afraid of/hate Israel.  They know schoolyard politics, which is the same as world politics just with suits.  But I get the feeling we're not so keen as a nation on Israel anymore because the country is getting too strong, too smart, and too adept at handling its own self-defense.  Hence, we have to hate someone, and seeing as hating melanin-rich people is out, anti-Semitism is - literally and figuratively - the new black.

Well, there's going to be a hell of a time in DC tomorrow.  And I hope African Americans really party it up because they should.  Obama as a leader... well, truth be told I don't think he's as awful as the right says, and I don't think he's as great as the left says.  I don't agree with his socialist leanings and I'm not looking forward to getting swamped with taxes once I get a real job, but I think it's time we had someone other than a good ol' boy who doesn't believe in science as president.  Time will tell.

Musicality

So I highly recommend Anthony Hamilton's album "Soulife" for hot and heavy make-out sessions.  It goes really well with wine, dim lights, and evenings.